This morning, when I was rocking baby E to sleep, I thought about the new normal I have had for the past three months: putting her down for naps, counting her dirty and poopy diapers, hunting obsessively for sleep cues and hunger cues, learning to breastfeed, snuggling with her, keeping my cool when she changes (which is all the time), rocking her to sleep, wanting to throw myself out the window some days because she won't nap, googling all sorts of baby stuff online that I never thought I'd google, being constantly amazed by her development, calling the pediatrician like a crazy and paranoid mom, bothering the Le Leche League ladies, eating dinner after 8pm, loving life more every time she smiles/laughs/talks, seeing ICM as a dad, adapting, and worrying constantly. And as I thought about all of these things, I am so grateful that I have this new normal and it hit me that I am going to miss it so so so much when I go back to work. Maybe this is what it really means to fully embrace the good and the bad (even the torturous parts that make you want to claw your eyes out).
I came across this poem a few days ago from A Cup of Jo and when I first read it, I thought of my sweet baby.
"Normal day, let me be aware of the treasure you are. Let me learn from you, love you, bless you before you depart. Let me not pass you by in quest of some rare and perfect tomorrow. Let me hold you while I may, for it may not always be so. One day I shall dig my nails into the earth, or bury my face in the pillow, or stretch myself taut, or raise my hands to the sky and want, more than all the world, your return." - Mary Jean Irion
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